Aliens in the Living Room?
by Ricochet94
Summary: Aliens stalk the Lamberts/Fosters. Well, one of them anyway. Mindless story inspired by Married... With Aliens. Enjoy. I do not own Step by Step.
1. Chapter 1

Port Washington, Wisconsin

1994

The Lambert/Foster house. Home to chaos.

No, not the elite organization of evil. Chaos; as in, the Bundy household.

The newspaper boy tossed his newspaper onto the front porch from aboard his beach cruiser.

Bullseye! It was a direct hit on the biggest, most elaborate pot on the porch, which, in turn, knocked over all the rest like dominoes.

----

"I'm tellin' ya, Dana! Aliens are real!" said Cody, who had just finished reading "IWKBBEAFM". (I Was Kidnapped By Bug-Eyed Aliens From Mars)

"Yeah, right," replied Dana. "And Elvis is still alive."

"Duuude! *That's* who I saw at the Safeway the other day!"

Dana rolled her eyes. "Cody, this is nothing but mindless drivel," she said holding up the book. "Harry Potter contains more truth than IWKBECD...BS... or whatever this is called."

"Wow there Danaburger!" said Cody. "You can bash 'IWKBBEAFM' book all you want. You can bash *me* all you want! But I draw the line at Harry Potter!

"Dana rolled her eyes (again) as she sat down on the couch.

"Well, see ya later Danaburger. I'm gonna go see a movie." said Cody. "Hey, you wanna come?"

"What movie?" asked Dana. She wa unable to study this evening due to circumstances beyond her control. In short: heaven for a typical teenager. A nightmare for Dana. So nightmarish, in fact, that she was pondering of going to a movie. _With Cody!_

"Revenge Of The Saucer Men," replied Cody.

Dana was finished pondering. "I'd rather play ping-pong with my eyeball,"

"Uh, OK," said Cody, who wouldn't know sarcasm if it hit him in the nose. "I think I've got a spare paddle in my van, if you wanna borrow it..."

"Never mind," said a _very_ annoyed Dana.

Cody left, leaving the door open behind him."Finally... some peace and quiet," sighed Dana. She started reading her book, then stared up at the door. "Yeah sure, don't worry about the door!" she said sarcastically. She started to get up to close the door, but it closed on it's own. Then it opened. Four little aliens ran inside from...outside. The aliens were green-skinned, around three-feet-tall, and had strangely-shaped heads. All three were wearing silver suits. It looked as if they were created by someone who had watched too many 1950's B-movies.

Dana bit her hand to keep from screaming.

One of the aliens ran over to the laundry hamper and started rummaging through the dirty clothes. Two of the others ran into the kitchen... and came back out with a handful of Twinkies. The third ran over and measured Dana's head with a Craftsman tape-measure. The expensive kind. One with a built in level.

Dana's hand started bleeding from being bitten too hard. The alien in the laundry found what he was looking for: Frank's socks. He called out something to his mates in a bizarre tongue. As they were all leaving, the head-measurer stopped and patted Dana on the head, then followed the rest out the door.

The door closed behind them with a soft _thud._

Dana fainted.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter II

_Ka-chung!_

Frank lowered the stapler farther down the wire.

_Ka-chung!_

"Uh, Dad… should you be stapling that close to a live wire?" asked J.T., pointing to the electrical wire no more than an inch away from where the stapler was currently pointing.

"J.T.," Frank began, "How much electrical work have you done in your lifetime?"

"Well…" J.T. stuttered.

"How much?"

"None," J.T. sighed.

"I rest my case," said Frank. "Watch…and learn." He pointed the stapler and _Ka-zap! _Several thousand volts shot through his body.

Chet Ripley, ladies man, pulled his shiny red convertible alongside the curd in front of the Lambert/Foster house. Staring in the rear-view-mirror, he combed his already-so-moussed-up-it-looked-like-he-had-spilled-a-can-of-Crisco-on-it hair. Then he hopped out of the car and walked around to the passenger side. He opened the door to let his passenger (Karen) out.

"I had a great time today Karen," he said. "And you look really cute in that dress."

Karen giggled. "I know."

---

"J.T., could you get on the ladder and staple this wire to the wall?" asked Frank. "I want to run it into the basement."

"Will you pay me?" asked J.T.

"Nope," said Frank.

"Ah man!" said J.T. "I wanted to make some money. I need new shoes"

"How could you need new shoes? You never leave the couch!"

"Har har," said J.T. He then got onto the ladder and held the wire against the wall. He positioned the stapler, and _Ka-chung!_

Frank and Carol's bedroom window collapsed in a shower of glass.

---

Dana came charging through the front door, having just awoken after her close encounter of the third kind. She crashed into the ladder on her way, causing it to topple over.

---

Karen got out of Chet's convertible. "We'll have to do this again," she said.

Her and Chet leaned in for the kiss.

J.T. fell out of the sky and landed right on Chet's car's hood, crumpling it flat. Glass exploded out in all directions, covering Karen, Chet, and the road.

Silence.

"Ah!" shouted Chet. "Look what you did to my car, you little… little…" (Chet wasn't very good at insults.)

They were interrupted by Dana.

"Karen! J.T.! You'll never believe what I saw! They were these…these men! And they were green! And they…they…"

"GET OUT OF MY CAR YOU SON-OF-A-LAMBERT!" screamed Chet. He didn't care about men that were green. He yanked the son-of-a-Lambert out of what-used-to-be-a-convertible by his neck. "YOU'RE GONNA PAY FOR THIS!"

"Rrrrgghhh," uttered Dana, upset that no one was paying attention. She stomped off.

"Whoa, wait a minute," said J.T. "Are you saying aliens visited you? Yeah!" He loved reasons to make fun of Dana.

"Yes!" said Dana.

"Cool! I gotta put this in the school newspaper!" said J.T., who was getting all excited. He had obviously forgotten about Chet, who had definitely _not_ forgotten about J.T. "And let me guess: someone in your fantasy fell out of the sky and landed right on top of the wicked witch."

_Ka-chung! _Ow! Whoa!" Frank shouted as he stapled his finger, then fell off the house.

"Kids," said Carol, who had just come out of the house, "have you seen Frank?"

Frank landed directly on top of her.


End file.
